That Moment When She
by blackindiaink
Summary: A short drabble series in which Amy figures out her feelings. **There are no spoilers really. Just went from what we've seen in the promos. **
1. Chapter 1

The problem wasn't the kiss. The problem was how she felt after the kiss. It wasn't a certain feeling or something she could name exactly. It just showed up like an unwanted houseguest, making her feel like her insides were twisting to form something new. She tried to smile afterwards but the uncertainty threw her off. That and the hundreds or so screaming teenagers.

Now, sitting alone in her bedroom she really thought about it and tried to figure out what the kiss was trying to tell her. They were best friends, closer than that even, they were sisters in a way. No, that sounded wrong. There was something beyond friendship that didn't lead to family connections. That made it kinda gross.

The obvious answer made her stomach curl and churn. She wasn't gay, she was just confused. It would go away if she waited…

Days later it was still there, yelling inside of her. She and Karma acting like a couple didn't help. That made it worse. She felt it rise to uncomfortable levels and then lessen when they were apart. Yeah, she had some kind of messed up feelings for her best friend. It was obvious. She'd even said it out loud once, "I like Karma," but it sounded wrong. She tried a different inflection. "I like Karma. Still not exactly correct so she gave it one more shot. "I am in love with Karma." Yep, that was it. She was doomed.


	2. Chapter 2

Now, that a lot of things made sense, it was time for the next step: Continuation of denial. It seemed like a good plan. It had gotten her this far. Lock away the information that she might be gay, that she might be in love with her best friend, and never mention it to anyone. Better yet, never think about it. That seemed to be the best answer.

She wasn't really ready to even come out to herself, which is why when she had the feelings that shall not be named, she just told herself that they were normal. When Karma was laying in her bed like she was right now, it was perfectly natural to want to reach over and pull her closer. It was okay that she wanted to kiss her again. That didn't make her gay.

Karma seemed to be completely unaware that she was having this effect on Amy. Perfect, it had to stay that way. Making things weird was not an option. They had just gotten over one of the biggest fights of their friendship and she wanted everything to be smooth. Everyone should be happy. If Karma was happy she could be happy. It was just that little nagging feeling that poked at her from time to time. Like right now, Karma was totally going off about how her mom interrupted their viewing of Dance Moms so she could sage the bedroom.

It was kind of cute how serious she was about a stupid reality show. While providing nods and agreement in the appropriate places, Amy was also just watching her talk, a dangerous thing to do. Suddenly, she felt an urgent need to be elsewhere so she sat upright, said a quick goodbye to a shocked Karma and fled the premises. It kind of reminded her of all the times Karma threw up around cute boys. She did feel a little nauseous but it definitely didn't have anything to do with boys.

At school they acted like the perfect couple. Hands were held, goodbye kisses were given, and the confusion continued. Even if the kisses were more pecks than anything else. Chaste in comparison to what she saw Karma and Liam engaging in the week before. Thinking about it made her feel squirmy and jealous, like they had really been cheating on some level. Another facet of confusion to add to the pile.

They got to school, parted ways for first period and she took her usual back of the room seat for English. The Homecoming Queen posters on the wall still made her nervous. Carrying out the lie was insane because eventually someone would figure them out. It was too big and there were too many people involved to expect anything else, but if Karma didn't want to listen to her she would just go along and hope for the best.

She eyed the back of Liam's head as the teacher droned on about MacBeth or something similarly Shakespearean. Maybe this wasn't going to be as easy to deny as she thought. Martialing all of her energy, she tuned into the teacher and tried to forget anything else existed. She did okay… until lunch.

They were sitting with Shane, Liam, and Leila at an eclectic table of lunchgoers where no one was unwelcome. However, there was still a definite sense of clique. It seemed to be an unavoidable social circumstance surrounding any institution where teenagers gathered.

"Yeah, it's been hard being in the closet," Kara said. She elbowed Amy, jostling her out of the dire thoughts that occupied her troubled mind. "Right, Amy?"

"Huh," she replied, looking around at each expectant face in turn. "Sure," she finally got out. Karma's face, the bulging wide eyes and scolding set of her lips let her know that her answer wasn't good enough. She smiled, the edges of her lips turning up in a contrite shrug. "Sorry, I was just thinking about…" She searched for a word but nothing came to her panic stricken mind.

"Your hamster," Karma blurted. She turned to the others and nodded as if it explained everything. "Amy's hamster died last week. They were very close." She leaned into Amy's personal space, taking her hand and kissing her on the cheek. "I'm sorry, babe."

The others gave a collective sound of sympathy. "That's terrible, I'm sorry," Shane said, extending a hand.

"Oh, yeah, it's been really hard," Amy replied, nearly rolling her eyes. Again with the hamster story. It seemed to be Karma's go to obviously making her really only marginally better at bullshitting than Amy was. "Yeah, I think I'm gonna get going. I need to study for… something."

She gave an awkward smile and stood, Karma trying to motion her to sit down using only her eyes and a slight shake of her head. Amy ignored her and went to dump her tray, sending the uneaten lunch into the trash. This day got better and better, now she was wasting food that someone less fortunate could have eaten. With a heavy sigh, she pushed her bag up her shoulder and walked out of the lunch room, heading for the roof.

Back at the table Karma tried to smooth the whole thing over, saying it wasn't a big deal but it wasn't working.

"You're seriously not going to go after her," Shane said. Laila nodded emphatically in support and Liam just kind of sat there with a vague smile on his face.

She was cursing Amy in her mind for ruining this, their first lunch at the cool table. "She'll be fine and she likes to be alone sometimes to, ya know… process." She drew out the sentence not sure where she was going with it.

"I think they're right," Liam chimed in. "She looked pretty upset."

Karma looked down at her lunch and pursed her lips. If she went after Amy now at least she could say that she spent most of lunch with Liam and Shane. It would have to do. To keep up the charade she had to appear like a doting girlfriend. "You're right, I'm totally going to go check on her. Thanks guys." She gave a super wide grin and got up, stalking off in search of her errant best friend.


	3. Chapter 3

She looked down at the campus, her feet waving back and forth. She smiled as they came together, imaging all the little blobs that were her fellow students being squished between her shoes. When she started high school she figured that it would be just like every other school she had been to. She would keep her head down and just do what she needed to do to get out of there. It wasn't until Karma had started on this popularity kick and they had been introduced to all of these other kids that she realized that she was wrong.

It was turning into a mess and she was starting to drown in the repercussions of their charade. Karma was probably still sitting there at the lunch table regaling their new "friends" with fake stories about their relationship. She clapped her boots together hard when a couple holding hands passed by, blocking them from her view. Being part of a pseudo happy couple was turning her bitter.

The wind masked Karma's approach so when she sat down Amy jumped and her grip tightened on the edge of the building. "You scared the shit out of me." She cast an accusing glance over at Karma, who chose to ignore it and the statement.

"So, up here again…" She looked over the edge and then pulled her head back quickly, closing her eyes. Now, queasy she tried to calm herself with a deep breath. Amy really was going to be the death of her with this top of buildings crap. "What's the matter? I thought everything was fine." Amy's hot and cold behavior was starting to get really confusing and therefore a little annoying. Either she wanted to participate in this or she didn't. Not that Karma would take no as an answer without arguing again.

Amy turned her head away. "Nothing's the matter. I just didn't feel like being in there anymore." Technically, it was the truth. She wasn't exactly sure what she was feeling and she wasn't going to analyze it too closely.

"Uh huh," Karma said. "Amy, it's me. You can tell me anything."

Amy's head swiveled around and their eyes. met. What she felt during that kiss, what she was dealing with now, and how jealous she got when Karma even mentioned Liam. "I know," is what she said instead. She could definitely not tell Karma everything. "Everything's fine." She smiled, mouth closed and tight. "Let's just go. Lunch is almost over." She spun herself around and stood up, walking off. With an eyeroll, Karma followed.

Someday she would get Amy to talk to her like she used to but for now it seemed that they were stuck in this weird space of non-communication. Most of their interaction seemed to be pretend anyway these days. Maybe they needed a best friend date night. Yes, she decided and began forming plans.

Amy couldn't focus on class but she tried. Sitting in AP history, she flipped through her text book and then opened her notebook but instead of taking notes, she just zoned out and started doodling on the clean sheet of paper. The teacher didn't seem to notice her inattention, probably because he spent the entire class with his back turned to them. The bell rang forty minutes later and her head snapped up. She couldn't stop doing that lately. When she reached down to gather her books she saw what she had written over and over. It covered the entire sheet.

Amy + Karma… Amy loves Karma… with hearts covering the rest of the page, their names inside them. This was bad, so bad. She flipped the notebook and text closed and shoved them in her bag. This thing was reaching critical mass. She pushed through the hall, not even bothering to go to her locker. Getting home was her priority, even if she did have to deal with her evil bitch of a future step-sister.

Karma caught her just as she was almost out the door. "Where are you going?"

Amy stopped short, sighing. "Home." She turned around. "I'm looking forward to changing into the most comfortable pj's I can find and doing nothing but watching Daria on Hulu until I fall into a catatonic state." Her plans sounded kind of pathetic out loud but she shrugged it off.

Karma's eyes widened and she reached out to take hold of Amy's arm. "You can't! We have to go work on the homecoming float with Shane and Liam." The plans had been set days ago and she wasn't going to let Amy get out of them that easily.

Just like that Amy's plans were replaced with the daunting task of pretending to be Karma's girlfriend while she made goo goo eyes at Liam. Did life ever get any better? She was dragged to the art room unceremoniously and now sat before two people who that she couldn't be herself around.

She sat at a table by herself while Karma, Shane, and Liam took all of the supplies out of the closet in the corner. She was giving this an hour and no more. Daria, pj's and ice cream were calling her name. Shane set an assortment of acrylic paint in front of her, and Liam came over with a roll of festooning that he sat next to the paint. She smiled up at them and moved her backpack down the table so it wasn't in the way. Karma set down a stack of poster board and brushes on the other side of her bag.

"Okay, I guess we should get started on the posters." Shane reached over and passed them out, giving a different color to each person.

"What are we supposed to write?" Amy had no idea and no artistic inclination. Even though this was technically in support of them, it wasn't like she signed up for this. "I suck at art."

Liam laughed and leaned over. "Just put whatever you feel like. Art is subjective anyway." He looked up at Karma, giving her a grin.

Amy's lips pursed and she resisted the urge to throw up. This was going to be a long hour.

Karma sat beside her and pulled some paint over. "You're better at this than you think you are," she encouraged Amy, kissing her on the cheek. "Just start and I'm sure whatever you do will be awesome."

Great, last time Amy just wrote she started drawing out her subconscious for an entire class. "Okay," she said.

Karma frowned down at her pink posterboard." I need a pencil so I can draw it out before I paint it." She looked around, finding nothing but paint and pens, but there right in front of her was the answer. She pulled Amy's bag over to her by the bottom and tried to flip it. Instead of turning so that she could reach into the front for a pencil, it tipped open and the contents spilled out.

Her history text went flying as did her notebook. They landed beside each other on the table, the text upside down and the notebook right side up, open to the page she had drawn on in class. Amy jumped up, staring down at her writing, all the little notes about her feelings for Karma stared back. Her eyes flicked from person to person. Liam just smiled, Shane thought it was the cutest thing ever and reached over to pick up the notebook. She was afraid to look at Karma but she did. There it was the look of confused questioning.

Amy let out a panicked laugh. How the hell was she going to explain this?


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks for the feedback guys, keep it coming! Chapter 1 is fixed and ready to go! Thanks TheWriterWhoIsAlone for pointing it out!**

* * *

Amy's bed had never felt like an odd place to be. It was where she gravitated toward because they could stare at the stars on the ceiling or talk as while cuddled up. All their serious conversations took place on Amy's bed. It let Karma get lost in comfort and safety. Now, as she sat down, she wondered if she should take the liberty to flop down like she usually did. The notebook was still bothering her, that page of drawings and implications made her question for once instead of plowing ahead.

Believing that Amy was simply playing along was easier than the impossible thought that she had feelings, that they both might have feelings. There was something deeper about their friendship, true, but that was just the indelible bond that had formed over the years. You didn't give up peanut butter for a casual friend.

Still, it made her throat thick. She wanted to ask or make a comment but feigning ignorance, she could work with that too. Amy sat next to her, tossing her bag down next to the bed. They looked at each other, Karma's mouth open and Amy's clamped shut but they quickly reversed.

"I guess you're wondering what that page was about," Amy sputtered.

Karma waved her off, trying to stop the conversation in it's tracks. "No, I just figured you were doing a really good job of being a faux girlfriend."

There it was, the out. If Amy took it they could just pretend that everything was fine and go on with their lives. If she decided to come clean, everything would shift and Karma wouldn't be able to ignore the feeling that was locked away. On a level she dared not delve into, she knew that there was more to this.

Sitting felt stiff and the air between them was stifling so Amy pushed her shoes off and crawled up the bed, resting her head in the pillows, half hoping that Karma wouldn't follow, but she did. She closed her eyes tight and when she opened them they were face to face, just like in her dream.

The confirmation of Karma's statement never came, which meant it hung between them and unresolved possibility waiting to be kicked one way or another. Amy had no intention of making this easy for Karma anymore. Her discomfort had reached a tipping point, and she knew that getting rid of this repression would prevent an implosion of feelings. She still had no idea what to say. Wanting action instead she reached out and took Karma's hand, unusual since she wasn't the one to initiate physical contact very often. Now, she knew why and maybe Karma had figured it out too.

"Amy?" Karma ventured, pulling her body closer so she could see Amy's face in the low light. "What's going on?"

Silence was too much to bear and Amy was done lying. That was how they had gotten to this place. Misunderstandings and untruths. "I don't know but I didn't write that stuff because I was trying to convince anyone else." She took a deep breath, opened her eyes and, met Karma's panicked face. "I was bored in class and just started doodling and there it was."

Karma's brow scrunched until lines appeared on her forehead. Processing this quickly wasn't something she was built for. She might be better at small talk but dealing with real emotions wasn't her forte. It was so far from it that she couldn't think to do anything but lean forward and stop a millimeter from Amy's face, when neither of them pulled way, she closed her eyes and pressed forward, kissing Amy for real this time.

The why wasn't important to her, just the action made her feel better. If she could give Amy what she needed the guilt might subside but a funny thing happened when Amy's mouth opened and a wandering hand made it's way into Karma's hair. Their tongues touched and a mystifying furor upped her participation. She wrapped an arm around Amy's waist and pulled her in, matching the previous deepening of the kiss. Now, it was a full embrace and Karma could feel Amy's body against hers.

It was a thrill unlike any other. Not even with Liam had she felt this because Amy matched her every move. The stroke of their lips coming together and parting only to rejoin again in a wave of emotion. Hormones intersected with feelings propelled them into deeper waters and Amy moved her hand to Karma's chest, and then pushed back her hair.

The feeling of grazing fingertips against her neck sent Karma even higher. She was awake for the first time in her life and as Amy's hand made it's way down her back she knew she wanted more but that wasn't supposed to happen. This wasn't her plan. The plan was to make Liam fall for her, not to fall for someone else. Amy's hand brushed her lower back, just above her butt and she started, breaking the kiss.

"Um," Karma blurted. "That was something." Nervous laughter bubbled up her throat and out of her mouth. Her eyes strayed everywhere but Amy's.

She hadn't started the kiss or ended it but once again she was along for the ride and what a ride it was. Amy decided that she might not be gay or straight… she might be Karmasexual. Blowing out a puff of air, she moved away, trying not to show just how starry eyed she was. The painful ache in her center and the slickness of her arousal made her want to cry or scream. Anything, to break the awkwardness. "Yeah, it was." She didn't want to speculate on the meaning. Fear kept that from being her intention. No, she wanted to live in a bubble where Karma had meant it; while Karma wanted to exist in a world where she hadn't.

It was clear though, an intangible feeling she was unfamiliar with made her want to do it again or forever. Kissing Amy was a forever kind of activity. "I guess I should get home," she said. "My mom's cooking."

Amy nodded. "It's tofu taco night," she muttered as Karma scooted off the bed and straightened her top. Amy flipped over and stared up at the ceiling spotted with plastic stars, a reminder of more innocent times, indeed.

"So, I'll see you in the morning?" Karma leaned over the bed, daring to get closer to Amy so that she could make her see and confirm that all was okay. Her bright smile was two notches too high.

Amy redirected her gaze and her lips formed a thin line. "Yeah, I'll see you then." Karma moved toward the door, satisfied. "Tell your parents I said thanks for the invite to dinner."

Her hand rested on the door handle. "Sure," she said quietly. "Amy?"

She sat up, resting on her elbows. Contrition and an odd new light shone from Karma's face. "Yeah?"

"Nothing, just goodnight." With a last look at the her best friend, Karma opened the door, slipped through and closed it behind her. Looking at Amy was different now. Instead of glossing over the specifics of her appearance, now she noticed everything. The roundness of her lips and the shine of her hair. Her high cheekbones and how they gave her face a slightly exotic aura. "Damn" She muttered, rushing downstairs and out the door, not bothering to answer Farrah's call from the hallway.

When she made it to the sidewalk, she pulled out her phone and swiped it to life. When she clicked on the text icon she saw her most recent conversations at the top. Number one was Amy and number two, that was Liam. She clicked on his name.

_Want to hang out?_

The reply came almost immediately. _Sure. When and where?_

Desperate to take the feeling of wanting Amy out of her body she tried to think of the best possible scenario. _Just pick me up at my house. It's on Cherry. Last house on the left. I'll be outside._

_Okay. Be there in a few. _

She started walking, hoping that physicality would drum some sense into her head. Five minutes was how long it took to walk to her house, cutting through the Stoffer's yard and across the corner lot, she just sat on the curb to wait for Liam. Trying not to think just made her consider everything in more detail, reliving every moment of touching Amy. Maybe she could just kiss it all away. Yes, that would be the way. Kiss Liam and see if it was just Amy. Surely she would feel the same way with him.

Ten minutes later, he pulled up in his seven year old Lexus and rolled down the window. "Need a ride, pretty lady?"

She jumped up and ran around to the passenger side, getting in. "Yes, I do," she said smiling at him. Before he could even pull out, she reached over and grabbed him by the neck pulling their faces together. Lips met, his surprise soon turned to pleasure and she tried to get into it. Mirroring the kind of kiss she and Amy had just shared. Their tongues slid against each other and she waited for the reaction in her gut, the flutter of feelings, but there was nothing.

She pulled away, dropping her hand and frowning. What was she doing? This was what she wanted and somehow it was being ruined. Liam was the dream. He was popular, hot, and… he didn't get her. He just saw her for the fake persona she put on to impress everyone. No one really saw her, except Amy.

She looked up and bit her lip. "Sorry, I've got to go." She opened the door but his hand caught her arm.

"What? Why?" His eyes were wide, nostrils flared, and hormones activated. "You said you wanted to hang out."

She looked around wildly, needing any way to get out of this situation. "I forgot. It's taco night." She broke his grip, much like she broke the kiss with Amy and jumped out of the car, slamming the door. When she ran around the side of the car, she turned momentarily and shouted at his open window. "Sorry! I'll make it up to you." She left him head shaking, chin to the floorboard, and just as hooked as ever.


	5. Chapter 5 Part 1

**A/N: Thanks for the feedback and for reading! Keep it coming. This is a short update and I promise the other half this weekend. Things are just heating up. **

* * *

Amy's phone didn't ring that morning. She woke up to the sound of her alarm rather than the ringtone announcing that Karma was too impatient to wait for her to get up. She grabbed the phone and silenced the alarm, checking to make sure she hadn't slept through the call. A screen void of missed calls stared back, propelling her into a sinking ship of despair. They had parted on strange terms and the hope that nothing would change beyond a romantic attachment was evidently wrong. Amy hated worrying but this was important.

She went to her recent calls list and clicked on Karma's name. Karma's answer tone sounded in her ear, Beyonce's voice making her no more cheery than she had been when she woke up. The call went to voicemail and she hung up, not knowing what she would say. Letting the phone fall from her hand to the bed, she got up and went to get ready.

The ride was the same as always, yet, she was seized with a restless energy. When she hit the sidewalk, her eyes scanned for Karma. They were always together by now. She was so focused that she didn't notice Shane coming up beside her.

"Amy!"

She jumped one whole foot to the left, hand over heart and head awash with fear. "You scared the shit out of me." She turned, dangerous annoyance directed toward Shane.

"Soooory." He drew the word out, one eyebrow up and one shifting down. "What's wrong with you?"

Amy nearly stomped her foot but she bit her lip instead and looked around again. "I can't find Karma. She didn't call me this morning like she usually does and it's got me a little on edge." It was all true but only the front face representing the heart of their issues.

"Well, there she is," he pointed at a flash of red hair disappearing around the building. He turned to see if Amy heard him but was met with empty space, his eyes tracking the place where she must be. "You're welcome," he crowed, fruitlessly after her.

She waved an errant hand in his direction in her hurry and sped up her walk to a jog. She followed the side of the art building until she got to the courtyard where the cafeteria and library were. Karma went into the library and Amy's eyes narrowed but she followed, catching her just inside the door.

"Karma," she said, stepping in front of her best friend.

The block in her path made her realize that she should have known she wouldn't get away with it. Last night's experiment in the differences between kissing Liam and Amy made her wish she'd listened long ago. Then, things could be the way they were and she wouldn't want Amy in ways that she shouldn't. She expelled air forcibly, stalling for time.

Three freshman pushed past them, clipping Karma's bag and forcing them to step over. Amy made an executive decision and took Karma's arm, pulling her toward the bathroom behind them.

Amy's fingers dug into her skin but it wasn't unpleasant, instead it clicked on the need inside of her. When they reached the door she went ahead and stood on the opposite side of the one stall restroom while Amy locked the door. The floor seemed a good place to look while she tried to gather the strength to turn possibility away. She could be happy with someone else and still have her best friend.

"Are we okay?"

The sound waves reached her ears, vibrated her ear drum, but more importantly the pain in them made her heart vibrate like plucked strings. She looked up, stormy eyes meeting Amy's, dropped her bag, and rushed her. They fell into the door together, Karma's hands pushing Amy's into the cold metal door. This time their kiss was urgent, the solution to a lack of communication and an escalation of fear.

Amy answered her with vigor and they spun together like cotton candy, pressing into each other like they could meld their bodies. It was all lips, hands, and knees in new places but Karma couldn't stop it. Amy was too drawn in to do it herself, though she knew an explanation was necessary.

That was how they skipped first period, on accident. Neither minded until the librarian came knocking and one of them had to answer, breaking away from a breathless kiss. Karma was the one who stalled. "Just a minute."

"Just checking dear," the elderly librarian shouted. "Are you alright?"

Amy covered her mouth and pressed her back to the door again, trying to remain standing. Now, that they had stopped her knees felt weak.

"Yes, I'll be out in a minute. Thanks for checking," Karma replied. She could barely keep a giggle in. The elation from their exchange made her feel like she was floating. This was definitely better than kissing Liam.

"Okay, dear, shout if you need anything. I'll be at the front desk."

Amy breathed a sigh and leaned into Karma. "That was kinda close." She reached out, taking Karma's face into her palms. "Listen, we need to talk about this, seriously. Will you please meet me at the coffeeshop tonight?"

Karma's smile fell with the suggestion of facing reality but she nodded. "After school." Her dejected tone made Amy's eyebrow quirk. "I'll be there." She was going to have to break Amy's heart and her own way too soon. First, she wanted one more taste.

She pulled Amy down, kissing her hard once, nipping at her lip before releasing her. "I'll see you at lunch," she said and unlocked the door, waiting for Amy to step aside. Without another look, she left the bathroom, happy that she had kept their parting to one kiss and not the five million that she wanted. Class was going to be impossible today.


End file.
